Monday, May 4, 2009

Commentary for The humble Farmer's Radio Program May 3, 2009

1. You know that many lives are controlled by the computer and email and my life is one of them. I admit that I am addicted to email. If you email me and don’t get back at least a “Thank you,” I probably didn’t get it and you should try again and then call me to find out what went wrong. Yes, I admit it. I am weak, I am addicted, and answering your email and commenting on what you and other friends send me, dictates what I think and what I do for a good part of my day. Yes. You knew I was going to give you an example. Because I’m 73 years old you can believe I opened this particular email with a great deal of eager anticipation because --- it said, “Boost your night experience.” I thought I was going to learn something that would help me get more sleep.
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2. You have heard me confess that I am addicted to email. And although email does not direct the course of my life, I very often get something in my email that warrants our attention. Here's an email I got about the swine flu last week that said, "Read my ten page special report on this vital topic so you can avoid deception and manipulation by the conventional media." Of course, what the sender of that email might well mean is, "Read my ten page special report on this vital topic so you can avoid deception and manipulation by the conventional media and be deceived and manipulated by me instead." Do you think that after going through all the bother of writing up a ten page report that this person is simply going to tell us to thoroughly wash our hands with hot, soapy water? Wouldn't you sooner suspect that this person is going to try to sell us a pill or some kind of body-building food supplement?
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3. Can you believe that when I googled cold fusion, I turned up an ad for a tempering valve? The computer gremlins knew that I was out there on the Internet pricing tempering valves last week. And, no, save yourself the time of sending me an email --- I was not planning to attach a tempering valve to my wife.
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4. Bev, who is a long time radio friend in Belfast, sent me a You Tube link to Britain’s version of American Idyll which introduced me to the great voice and personality of Susan Boyle. Susan’s singing was so good it made me cry. While drying my tears, I listened to Susan over and over, and while fumbling around I also found the opera singer Paul Potts who was discovered on the same show. I was raised on Paul's kind of music, and tears came to my eyes when I first heard Paul Potts sing. And it still happens. It has to do with --- I guess you would call it soul, rather than technical mastery. Only a few greats can make me cry with their music. Dick Cash was one. Dick Cash died in 1988 with ALS. My sister Marta can make me cry with her singing. Over 50 years ago Dick's sister, Rita Cash, could raise the hair on the back of my neck with her singing. If Rita Cash had sung professionally in clubs, she would have needed several bodyguards to get home. Although I am not a fan of American Idyll, I applaud the caustic Simon for discovering great talent --- the likes of Susan Boyle and Paul Potts --- that would otherwise never be heard.
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5. May I quote for you a ditty that you will immediately recognize from the writings of Mark Twain?

Conductor, when you receive a fare,
Punch in the presence of the passenjare!
A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare,
A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare,
A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare,
Punch in the presence of the passenjare!
CHORUSPunch, brothers! punch with care!
Punch in the presence of the passenjare!

You will remember from Mark Twain’s story that once anyone got that insipid rhyme in their heads, it stayed there. Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare! No matter what you did --- eat, socialize, try to sleep --- the Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare kept running through your head. It was maddening, and the only way to free oneself from the grip of the rhyme, was to teach it to someone else. What brought this poem to mind? Susan Boyle on You Tube. My radio friend Bev in Belfast told me to listen to Susan Boyle on You Tube and I did. There was something about Susan Boyle that made me listen to her over a dozen times. She was singing a song I’d never heard before and now I can’t get it out of my head. I hear it morning, noon and night. Would you mind if I sang it for you?
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6. Here’s your humble Farmer question of the week. Are you ready? If I have heard of Susan Boyle and the singing contest in England you certainly have. Now you have heard that Susan Boyle might have some competition from a young boy named Shaheen Jafargholi. No matter who wins the singing contest in England can there be any doubt in your mind but what within a year both Susan and Shaheen will be able to pay off the mortgages on their homes? You and I have followed the careers of enough singing stars to know that a lot of money is going to immediately pour in upon both of them. So, your humble Farmer question for this week is --- which one do you think is most likely to die from a drug overdose before the age of 22?
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7. Dear humble. I am at my aunts house in France, we came by way of a small town in Spain called Barcelona. On the way I met an older traveler, with a Slovakian girlfriend, in Tossa de Mar, an ancient village by the sea, we got to talking and it turns out he had been to Maine some twenty years ago. He told me of a great radio show he had heard while there, some Jazz and humorous wisdom, of course he was speaking of your show, in those days it wasn't even on at a reasonable hour! I told him you had been censored because of your brilliant war rant and he was amazed at such nonsense. The Slovak too shook her head in disgust. Anyway …My Aunt and her companion have fixed up a formerly abandoned 400 year old Manganerie, that is a big house they used to raise silk worms in, (Nations as old as these take a lot of maintenance) we'll be home soon, if your sailing past Green's Island stop in for a mussel salad sandwich bonne chance, Au revoir john. Thank you for this John. Isn’t that amazing? A man visits Maine and the thing he remembers about Maine 20 years later was a great radio show with jazz and humorous wisdom. Isn’t it nice that Maine excelled at something? I think there is a lesson to be learned here if you are young and thinking about entertaining your friends on the air. ---Make a good radio show --- only if you dare. Mediocrity is a lot safer.
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8. We are losing our enemies at an alarming rate and America’s washed up politicians who once ruled by fear are justly alarmed. Enemies are necessary if one wants to consolidate power by circumventing the US Constitution with overnight panic legislation --- which is why you now see on television these has-beens with their prognosis of doom, as the leaders of several countries approach a cheerful, intelligent man who is willing to listen. What do you think? Should the present administration have the option to choose its own enemies? You don’t need to be reminded that our enemies change about once every ten years, as dictated by economic/political expediency. In 1972 Nixon befriended communist China, and everyone now knows what an inundation of dirt cheap products have done to almost every American employer --- and their employees. The obvious goal: one step closer to our O. Henry economy of a century ago where hungry store clerks and scrub girls would gladly settle for $4 a week. Another president had a low tolerance level for any country with oil reserves. He tried to either blow them back to the stone age and put their economy and infrastructure in the hands of American corporations --- or put them in a position where a smile and shaking hands would be considered an act of aggression. Thanks to your vote, America is presently on the right track, and as long as our children are not deprived of a broad education America will continue to prosper: A child who reads science and technology will become respected and prosperous. A child who reads history will become a democrat.
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9. Here’s another letter, this one from Dave who says, “your show is great. whenever my lady or i hear a django tune now we both shout "DJANGO!" at the end. i like old four banger fords too. thanks for having ears, a heart and a spine. - dave & tricia, in somerville massachusetts
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10. You saw it on television. A polar bear attacked a woman at a Berlin Zoo after she climbed a fence and jumped into its pen at feeding time. No one seems to know why the woman jumped into a pen with a bear, but it might help explain why some people vote for republicans.
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11. You’ve seen the first lady holding President Obama’s hand when they get off an airplane. This worries me, because when my wife Marsha and I get off an airplane she always holds my hand. She’s afraid I’ll either get lost or fall down.
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12. I am going to talk about Compact Florescent light bulbs. Perhaps you know what I’m talking about. CFL bulbs look like a large white corkscrew and we are told they have mercury in them. When I heard that these bulbs would last a long, long time, I bought a bushel basket full of them and replaced all the old bulbs in my house. As I recall, a couple didn’t work when I first screwed them into the socket but I figured that was par for the course. Then I heard from several other sources that a few were duds and that they don’t last if you keep turning them on and off. What good is a light bulb if you can’t turn it off? Are we going to have the same problems with the presently touted LED’s?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kdvHUUDsJ0&NR=1

http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread431043/pg1
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13. Did you see the 60 Minutes story on cold fusion and Martin Fleischmann? He is the man who was hounded out of science after introducing cold fusion to the world 20 years ago. The way I understand it, cold fusion is nuclear power without the unpleasant waste that will forever contaminate the planet. The crusty, old experts tell us that cold fusion must be junk science because neither its exponents nor anyone else can experimentally replicate the results. But I like the looks of what I’ve seen of cold fusion so far and I’ll tell you why. Although I know nothing about physics or science, one of my favorite bedside books --- that I have read and reread for years, is Dampier’s A History of Science. So --- although I know nothing about physics or science, I am more than passingly conversant with the history of physics and science. Hardly any great discovery has ever been eagerly accepted by the experts. You know that Ignatius Semmelweis not only lost his job for suggesting that doctors wash their hands, but also came to a bad end. Most scientists are just like everybody else in that they have to look around and see what their neighbors are doing before they’ll take a stand on anything. It might take learned scientists 20 years to finally accept something like Quantum Theory. Which really puts scientists on the cutting edge when you consider it might take society at least 40 years and the church over 400 years to finally do the same thing. Here’s an ancient quote I found which might apply to the cold fusion controversy today: the statistical theories hide a completely determined and ascertainable reality behind variables which elude our experimental techniques.
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Robert Karl Skoglund
785 River Road
St. George, ME 04860-4818
207-226-7442
humble@humblefarmer.com

Hear humble's radio show on his web page

http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/ThisWeek.html

See and hear humble tell stories on his web page:
http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/

Hear dozens of humble's rants and even his radio show on PRX:

http://www.prx.org/Enjoy humble's music/humor program on Maine cable television stations:http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/TvTowns.html

Did you know that Robert Skoglund, The humble Farmer, stands on stages and tells funny stories?Ask humble to entertain you and your friends with dry stories like these:http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/PortlandA.html

You can visit humble and Marsha at their Bed & Breakfast on the coast of Maine.http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/BaB.html

Friday, March 13, 2009

The humble Farmer on Universal Health Care -- H. R. 676

What is single payer universal health care and why do people either sigh or bristle when they think about it? We read that universal health care is health care coverage that is extended to all eligible residents of a governmental region and often covers medical, dental, and mental health care. Typically, most costs are met by single-payer health care systems or national health insurance.

If you travel at all, or if you have friends or relatives in Europe, you already know that universal health care is implemented in most wealthy, industrialized countries --- with the exception of the United States. In recent years it is also provided in many poorer developing countries.

Because universal single-payer healthcare works, it is now the trend worldwide.

So. Why do they have universal health care even in some poor developing countries and not here in the land of the free and the home of the brave where we put little sticky American flags on the back of our cars and proudly boast that we have the best of everything? We don’t have universal health care because too many people in the health care business are getting richer by overcharging you for services. --- Like the $220 one company charged my health insurance company this week for a chin strap that I later found on line for $19.95.

If you are young and just starting a family or are old and wondering if the kids can afford to bury you after they pay your medical bills, you should be interested in learning more about a single payer health care system. Bottom line --- it will save you money. It will raise your standard of living. You won’t have to sell your home or deplete your savings if you get sick.

We read that 28 industrialized nations guarantee access to health care as a human right. They have single payer universal health care systems like the type presently proposed in a bill now before Congress --- yet not one spends as much per capita on health care as the United States.

May I repeat that? - 28 industrialized nations have single payer universal health care systems and not one of them spends as much per capita on health care as the United States. Of course they don’t. Only in the United States are there so many paper-shuffling sticky fingers between your health insurance check and the hard-working health professionals who care for you.

Good news. The United States does not need to rank near the bottom among industrial countries in most everything from life expectancy (20th) to infant mortality (23rd) because --- some doctors have proposed legislation that would control skyrocketing health costs while covering all Americans. It would eliminate all those layers of sticky fingers. The bill also restores free choice of physician to patients and provides comprehensive prescription drug coverage to seniors, as well as younger people.

Under this bill, which is called H.R. 676, we read that a family of four making the median income of $56,200 would pay about $2,700 in payroll tax for all health care costs. No deductibles, no co-pays, no worrying about catastrophic coverage. The services covered include primary care, inpatient, outpatient and emergency hospital care, prescription drugs, durable medical equipment, hearing, dental and vision care, chiropractic treatment, mental health services, and long-term care.

Wow. Imagine an America without grange suppers and garage sales for veterans who lost their legs or, even worse, their minds in combat. Now you can get behind legislation that really will Support Our Troops.

I have a good friend who probably voted against universal health care for years. But --- when a family member needed years of intensive long-term care, it cleaned him. His fifty years of hard work and scrimping and saving went down the drain. They took it all. Had he lived in any one of 28 or so other countries (or an updated America); he’d be leaving his heirs some nice certificates of deposit. Hopefully, this bill will pass in time to save your estate.

Can you think of any other issue that so directly impacts the long-term welfare of you and your family as single payer universal health care? Shouldn’t you write to your friends in Washington and tell them what you think about H. R. 676? Your letter is really no substitute for the feasts and festivals put on for Congress by the greedy so-called health-care industry, but it would at least let them know that you’re watching.

March 13, 2009 The humble Farmer

Thursday, March 5, 2009

The humble Farmer Rants for March 1, 2009 Radio Show

March 1, 2009, Rants

1. Have you noticed that all of a sudden there is a lot of opposition to the most recent bailout? Have you also noticed that it is all coming from the folks who already got theirs?
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2. You have heard me say many times that my hobby is learning how to read languages. K lastimme --- esta mala el tocadiscos. If you can think of any hobby that costs less to pursue, yet constantly invigorates whatever you are fortunate enough to have for a mind, please let me know what it is. Years of research has taught me that the ideal language learning vehicle is the Harlequin Romance. This is because you can get the same story in 5 or 6 languages, and the language is at the level of what you would find in an elementary school reading book. What you do is memorize the story by reading it constantly in Dutch or French for several years, and then it is easy to figure out in German or Italian. Do you remember my saying that if you write to 10 or 12 women who write Harlequin Romances and ask, many of them will send you one of their stories in 4 or 5 languages? Yes. They will. Sometimes they permit you to pay. Sometimes they simply give you these odd copies. Ann, who has sent me many books, has done so well writing that she is now working as a nurse in Africa. Besides reading, over the years I’ve also listened to half a dozen languages in my car or in the shop or on my bicycle. Because I have not yet moved up to the little ipod thing that fits in the pocket, I tie a nail apron around my neck and put my cd player in that. You know that those cd players look like flying saucers and are about the size of a whoopie pie so they just fit in one side of a nail apron. Anyway, if you know two or three languages or have lived in two or three countries, you know that there are cultural distinctions that are reflected in each language. This was forcefully brought to my attention again this morning while listening to a conversation in Italian. Listen and repeat. Ascolti an repeata: A man knocks on a hotel room door to keep a business appointment with a woman. Before getting down to business they have a drink and exchange a bit of information about their families and home towns. There is another knock at the door. And here is the interesting part. If you are studying one language, it translates into English as, “That must be my husband with the plans.” In another language the woman says, “Oh goodie, now my husband is here, too.” In yet another language, the woman simply says, “Oh my God --- it’s my husband.”
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3. Everyone knows that the United States has one of the widest rich-poor gaps of any high-income nation today. We also know why it is in the interest of some people, who would like to once again be able to hire an Irish maid for five dollars a week, to see that gap continue to grow. We also read that some prominent economists including Alan Greenspan have warned that the widening rich-poor gap in the U.S. population is a problem that could undermine and destabilize our economy and standard of living. They tell us flat out that "The income gap between the rich and the rest of the US population has become so wide, and is growing so fast, that it might eventually threaten the stability of democratic capitalism itself.” So --- what can anyone do to save our democratic capitalism while bringing our living standards up to that of our friends and relatives in Europe? You recently saw an example of corporate socialism when Bush gave almost a trillion of your tax dollars to some bankers, who went belly up and suddenly decided that democratic capitalism wasn’t working. And when you see the biggest fat-cat bankers in the land turning socialist and begging for your tax dollars, will it be long before working people wonder why they can’t be socialists, too, and beg the government to help them out with health care? Will there come a day in America when a veteran with no legs will not need to be supported by his kindly neighbors and their fund-raising suppers?
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4. Here’s an interesting letter from a radio friend who says, “In the old soviet union the saying was "we pretend to work and they pretend to pay us." In public interest law the reality is they pretend to pay us but we work for sure…. Here are two cases you will appreciate. They came up in an elder abuse task force meeting the other day. After our last big storm two men solicited an elderly man to shovel snow off his roof. They worked for half an hour and demanded $400. The kicker is they didn't have their own shovels or ladder and they borrowed those items from their victim. Another case - a young woman snatches an elderly woman's purse from her shopping cart and then goes to the service desk to ask them to call a cab for her.” Thank you for that letter. It would appear that there will never be a recession in Maine as long as our young people are on the cutting edge of improvisation.
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5. One of my friends recently said that she didn’t like Obama because he was in favor of having us register our guns like we do our cars. The way she explained it, if you start registering cars, only criminals will have cars. Or something simple and easy to understand like that. But what does gun control really mean? It seems as I remember that in the movie about Good Will Hunting, something was said about thinking things through to the logical conclusion. If A, then B. And if B, then C. And if C, then D. So by doing A, you are also doing D, although D is so far removed from A that --- well, it’s like knocking over a row of dominos. You can visualize that and you know what I’m talking about. So what would be the result of gun control? It would mean a recording the numbers of every gun and the name of the person who owned that gun. In my neighborhood there are people who have guns who have waited for years for someone to break into their house so they could pull out the shooting iron and, blooey, blow the intruder away. They are the last houses in the neighborhood anyone would want to enter for any reason at 2 in the morning. If there were a list somewhere of everyone who had a gun, it would certainly be stolen by crooks who’d then know which houses you could enter at night without risking ventilation. Have you ever wondered why one political party fights so hard against gun control?
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6. Here’s a letter from a radio friend that says: “Hi Humble I had never heard of Django Reinhardt before listening to him on your program. I just love his guitar and band so thanks for exposing me to them. I did a search online and found some videos of them on YouTube. I like that Bennie Moten piece, too. Your commentary is entertaining, often informative, has a bit of bite, and tends to make one think. I agree that keeping chickens is smart; maybe some sort of chicken investment program should be included as part of the stimulus package. For years, I have wanted my own hens, but I lived where restrictions prevented livestock ownership. It never occurred to me that city living was the place to be - for chicken raising that is. I did a google search on cats eating dead people. I found one story from October 2008 about a dead woman in Romania being eaten by her 20 cats. I also found an article about soldiers in Iraq seeing cats and dogs eating dead people which caused them to have less than pleasant reactions to the family pets when they returned home. I guess that starving carnivores will eat what they have to even if it means chewing on granny or gramps. Keep up the good work.” Thank you for your letter. I’m humble at humblefarmer dot com and I’d like to hear from you too. Hopefully with a more pleasant subject.
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7. Thanks to you, I stumbled on a young man out there on youtube named Josh Klein who pointed out that we could train crows to pick up highway litter and put it in a barrel. If I had time I’d do it. I can see how it would backfire, because if some of the kids who live down the road knew what was happening, they’d throw extra trash on my lawn just to see the crows working overtime. By the way, if you don’t really know me and think I’m joking about getting crows to pick up trash by the road and put it in a trash barrel, how much money would you want to bet that I can’t do it? What a great idea --- train crows to pick up roadside trash and put it in a trash barrel. Of course, although it is practical and would be very easy to do, it will never happen. It wouldn’t make somebody a lot of money.
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8. I was staggered when I saw on the Today show the great deals you could get on houses all across America. They picked 4 or 5 different locations, put up pictures of these houses, and then told us, “This is the great house you can get for only a quarter of a million dollars.” A quarter of a million dollars for a little house with no land? And that is a great deal? $250,000 is 50 times as much as I paid for a house on one acre of land around 40 years ago. I bought a house with one year’s salary. My question to you is, “Are working people earning 50 times as much as they were 40 years ago, or are they working 15 times as long for the same buying power?” $250,000 is more than 25 times as much as I paid for another house with a big barn and over 50 acres of land. At the time I was teaching and was being paid around $5,000 a year. Twenty five times $5,000 is $125,000. Are Maine school teachers being paid $125,000 to $250,000 a year? If they are, they are getting the same salaries that teachers were getting in 1970. Minimum wage in Maine is around $14,000 a year. Six percent interest on your $250,000 house mortgage is $15,000 a year. So anyone on minimum wage couldn’t even pay the interest on that “great deal” quarter of a million dollar house. “Ha, ha,” you say. “I’m not a lowly teacher and I’m not working for minimum wage.” But --- the price of houses is only one index that exemplifies the erosion of salaries in America in just half of my lifetime: If you are presently earning $250,000 a year, you have held your own since 1970. If you earn $125,000 in a year, you worked twice as many hours for that buying power as someone did 40 years ago. If you earn $50,000 a year, you now have to work around 5 times as long to buy a house as you would have 40 years ago. If you are young you might find this hard to believe, but the day President Franklin Roosevelt died in 1945, it was taken for granted that any American who had any kind of job could buy a home. That’s why older working people call the era before Reagan and Bush, “The Good Old Days.”
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9. Radio friend Mark called our attention to chickens. One reads that Portland has lifted its ban on raising chickens in the city, but --- we read that some people in Camden face fines of $100 to $2500 a day if they don’t get rid of a dozen hens. I don’t have a dozen chickens, but when I was a kid, we did. And now that I think of it, if I had chickens, they, and not crows and seagulls, would eat the food scraps we throw out back. I don’t know if I’d want to raise chickens in an apartment in the city, but wouldn’t you consider anyone who keeps a dozen chickens out back a valuable, thrifty neighbor who is trying to build a stronger America? For quite a few years I have wondered how we would ever survive if they suddenly shut down all the stores. --- Or, if because Bush and his republican friends relaxed the inspection regulations on veggies, as they did on meat and peanut butter, nothing bought in a store would be fit to eat. When I was a kid, there was a bin of potatoes, bottles of pickles, berries, string beans and other vegetables in the cellar. Our chickens provided us with eggs. There must be over 100 empty quart canning jars down in my cellar now. But, although we have a nice garden in the summer, I wasn’t paying attention to my parents and grandparents, so I don’t know how to put up enough food to survive a Maine winter. --- But I’ll bet I could learn by asking any American clever enough to keep chickens in the back yard.
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10. If every American child spent 4 years at a state college or university, or lived abroad for two years in any capacity but a proselytizer, within a generation one of the political parties in the United States would wither and die. And when I say attend a university, I’m talking about going there to study history or sociology or anthropology. Although you could study math and science for 8 years and make a lot more money when you graduated with your PhD, math or science wouldn’t necessarily give you much of a political education. You might Google “the dumbing down of America” and see what turns up. I did and found one interesting essay in which the writer doesn't use the f word although that is what he is talking about. Eisenhower didn't use the f word, either. You will recall that Eisenhower called it the military-industrial complex.
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11. Here’s something you might know something about if several members of your family use the same computer. A radio friend writes: “Our son comes into the office and uses the computers pretty much every day, often snacking as he does. I'm thinking of publishing a booklet entitled something like "Meals from the Keyboard", as I have to "defood" the keyboards the following morning on a regular basis!” There’s food for thought.
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12. When I went into the doctor’s office, the doctor asked me if I had noticed the man who just left. I allowed as how I had seen a man leave but I hadn’t paid too much attention. The doctor said, “That man is 107 years old, and he plays golf every day.” Wow. Isn’t it sad to see a man who is still strong and active at 107 who’s lost his mind?
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13. When my friend Winky was very young, he went to the senior class prom with a girl who was wearing a low, low-cut off the shoulder dress. And after a while curiosity got the best of him and Winky said, “What is keeping that dress on you?” She said, “Only the onions on your breath.” (Chauncey Depew)

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Germany to Require Renewables for New Homes in 2009 by Jane Burgermeister, Contributing Writer

Germany to Require Renewables for New Homes in 2009

by Jane Burgermeister, Contributing Writer

Berlin, Germany

All new homes built in Germany from January 1st 2009 will be required to install renewable energy heating systems under a new law called the Renewable Energies Heating Law (Erneubare-Energien-Warmegesetz).

The government is allocating 350 million euros [US $517 million] each year in grants for homeowners to install renewable energy systems such as solar panels, wood pellet stoves and boilers and heat pumps.

Homeowners will have to use renewable energy sources to meet 14% of a household's total energy consumption for heating and domestic hot water.

"The heating sector is the sleeping giant of renewable energy," Thomas Hagbeck of the German Federal Environmental Agency tells RenewableEnergyAccess.com.
"Using renewable energy for heating homes will not only significantly cut greenhouse emissions but also reduce heating bills as oil and gas prices surge," he says.

Heating buildings accounts for 40% of the total energy consumption in the country. Renewables currently account for about 6% of the energy sources used for heating buildings. The new government legislation targets an increase in the use of renewables for heating to 14% by 2020.
Existing houses will also have to be remodeled to incorporate renewable-energy-based heating systems from 2010 on. For old houses, 10% of the heating and domestic hot water energy needs will have to be provided by renewables.

"The Renewable Energy Law gave a big boost to the renewable energy sector when it came to generating electricity in Germany and this law will give the same big boost when it comes to heating," says Hagbeck.

The use of renewable energy sources for electricity increased 300% in the last ten years in Germany while the use of renewables for heating increased by only 40% over the same period.
It is estimated that updating energy performance in buildings could save 50 billion euros [US $73.9 billion] in heating costs in Germany up to 2020 alone.

According to a German government source, houses built in the 1960s use on average four times more energy for heating than updated, energy-efficient houses, which need 5 to 6 liters of heating oil for each square meter a year. Meanwhile, oil prices in Germany have tripled since 2001.

The government is allocating 350 million euros [US $517 million] each year in grants for homeowners to install renewable energy systems such as solar panels, wood pellet stoves and boilers and heat pumps.

Most homeowners are expected to choose solar panels. Under the new regulations, the size of the solar panel required will depend on the size of the house: solar panels will need to have an area equal to 4% of the total area of a house.

Fines of up to 500,000 euros [US $739,000] will face anyone who fails to switch their heating systems.

Also, the government is launching a program to improve insulation in the country's housing stock, and to cut back on energy waste.

The introduction of new energy ratings for all houses in 2008 will be further incentive to homeowners in Germany to invest in energy efficiency to protect the value of their houses, analysts say.

The state of Baden-Württemberg in southern Germany has already passed a law requiring all building plans for new houses submitted after April 1st 2008 to include renewable energy heating systems.
People building new homes there will have to install a renewable heating technology that can provide 20% of the household's heating and domestic hot water needs.

Energy used for heating homes in Baden-Württemberg accounts for 33% of the 72 million tons of carbon emitted by the state each year, officials say.

Many of the 2.2 million homes built in Baden-Württemberg before 1977 use 7 times more energy for heating than updated, energy-efficient homes, according to Claudia Rist of the Climate Protection and Energy Agency Baden-Württemberg (Klimaschutz-und Energieagentur Baden-Württemberg).

The German federal government's new renewable energy heating law, which is set to be passed by parliament next year, is part of a comprehensive package of measures that aims to reduce the country's carbon emissions by 40% by 2020 when compared to 1990.

It is estimated that the package will cost 31 billion euros [US $45.8 billion] a year to implement.

But the costs will be offset by savings of 36 billion euros [US $53.2 billion] a year from lower bills for coal, oil and gas, experts say.

Monday, February 9, 2009

The humble Farmer's Most Subversive Comments of 2008 CD #2

Script for Most Subversive Comments of 2008 CD #2

1. One evening when my friend Winky was reading the newspaper he said to his wife, "Here's a man up in Rangeley who was shot for a moose." And Winky's wife said, "Any man who can be mistaken for a moose is better off dead." (081109)
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2. Sometimes I see 20 wild turkeys on my back lawn. A friend of mine told me that he has taken several wild turkeys home for dinner. He says that the breasts are good eating but that the drumsticks are so tough they could be used for Marimba mallets. I asked him, “How often do you shoot a turkey?” He said, “Until he falls down.” (081123)
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3. Children speak the truth. I can remember sitting in the back of a fifth grade classroom while Paul Strout, who was probably 11 years old, stood at the blackboard and did an imitation of me, the teacher. He had everything down --- my mannerisms --- my speech. The stage lost a consummate master when Paul decided to work instead. Adults who speak the truth are likely to be avoided in good company. You will remember one of Agatha Christie’s adult characters who spoke the truth. Everyone was terrified to be in the same room with her. She was eventually murdered, which was probably just as well. Mastering the art of circumlocution is a rite of passage for children. Those who can do it, are accepted into adult society. Those who do it well, write books. Our topic came to my attention on a tour last week when our guide raised a hand without a thumb and asked if anyone had a question. A small boy said, “I see that you have an unfriendly dog.” (080803)
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4. Two lobster catchers from Down East were talking: “If I were to have an affair with your wife and she had my baby, would we be related?” “No, but we’d be even.” (081012)
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5. The Common Ground Fair is the most impressive gathering of people to be held in the state of Maine. They have this Common Ground Fair every year, the last weekend in September, and I’m always there. My favorite event is the sheep dog demonstration. They put these little dogs out in a field with a dozen sheep and when the dog’s trainer whistles, these dogs jump up and herd the sheep into a pen. Every organization in Maine that might be in favor of some positive political or social change is represented at the Common Ground Fair. My friend David Bright said that the most shocking thing he saw there in three days was the endangered species booth. David went over to check it out and there was no one there. (080921) USE ON COVER
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6. My friend John told me that he was standing around outside chatting with a woman when he chanced to look at the scratches in the ledge underfoot and said, “Look where the glacier went through here.” And the woman said, “Recently?” And of course John said, “No, years ago.” And the woman said, “Well, I wouldn’t know. I live over in Friendship.” (081123)
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7. I went down to Monhegan where I did a benefit show for the Wharf, which needs repair. The only way you can get to Monhegan if you don’t have a helicopter is to swim ashore and crawl up over the rocks or bring your boat in to the wharf or dock. Call it what you will, the dock is important to the people who live on Monhegan. I use the dock myself when I go out there, which tells you two things about me, doesn’t it? I don’t have a helicopter and I do not choose to swim ashore and crawl up over the rocks. Chris Rollins lives on Monhegan. Ten or 11 generations of his ancestors are buried up on the hill so you have to assume he feels very much at home out there. I’ve known Chris for several years, but just met his wife, who, through the eyes of this 72-year-old man, is a pretty young thing from away. Chris met her on Monhegan when she was 18, but Chris says that after that she had two husbands before he married her. I was surprised to hear that such an attractive and well-spoken woman was already on her third marriage and suggested to Chris that perhaps she had made some poor choices. And he said, “Nah, I think she just takes what comes along.” (080803
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8. No matter where you live, you are proud of your town and the things that your town is famous for. Here on the coast of Maine when you go into a restaurant, the best seats are those overlooking the harbor and all the lobster boats. When I visited my brother-in-law Steve who runs a gambling casino in Colorado, the hostess in the casino restaurant very proudly seated me by the window so I could look out and see the Brink’s truck. (080914)
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9. My wife’s brother Steve runs a gambling casino in Colorado. The last time I visited him I noticed that his office was only one of many small offices. He doesn’t have a big office. So I asked him if he really were the boss, and he said, “You sit down in a room with five women and say that you’re the boss and see how far that goes.” (080914)
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10. You can get great books for a quarter at lawnsales. The best books are found when someone has died and the heirs are simply trying to clean out the house. They have no idea of what the books are or the interesting things you can find in them. Here is a comment from one I just got called The Little Brown Book of Anecdotes. On page 76, one reads, “Victor Biaka-Boda, who represented the Ivory Coast in the French Senate, set off on a tour of the hinterlands in January 1950 to let the people know where he stood on the issues, and to understand their concerns --- one of which was apparently the food supply. His constituents ate him.” (081130)
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11. The wheel was invented when man needed to transport material over a great distance. Fire was first utilized when man moved north out of Africa and needed to keep warm at night. Bills or invoices evolved when Maine inn keepers started charging so much that they couldn’t look the customer in the eye when it came time to squaring accounts. (080928)
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12. My friend Julian is a connoisseur of fine men’s clothing. He buys shirts and pants from specialty houses that cater to the upscale outdoor crowd. It is my understanding that some of that clothing is so durable that it will stand alone. One man put a canvas jacket in his driveway and drove over it all summer to soften it up just so he could wear it. (081123)
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13. Have you ever seen something on the evening news that made you wonder if we will ever create a civilized society? Let me give you an example. Tonight on the evening news they showed a woman in the Philippines who had 8 hungry little children. There wasn’t enough rice to go around. The focus of the program was: What can we do to produce more food? (081130)
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14. I just saw a commercial on television that said that my brain might be undernourished. Then, to drive home the argument, it gave a printed quote on the screen from some medical association that said that the problem was ubiquitous. And after ubiquitous it had the word widespread in brackets. I suppose they defined ubiquitous just in case anyone with an undernourished brain were watching. (081019)
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15. Every week they have a husband's marriage seminar out to our grange. At the session last week, the councilor asked Winky’s father, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to tell everyone how he had managed to stay happily married to the same woman for 50 years. Winky’s father said, "Well, the best thing I ever did was take her out to Monhegan Island for our first wedding anniversary. You know, for our 50th anniversary I think I’ll go out there and bring her back." (081012)
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16. We have a bed and breakfast. And on top of that we have many friends. It is not unusual to see ten or more people eating at our table at any given time. So we find more than our share of things scattered about the house that people have left behind. Today I am dealing with Sally Tuttle’s shirt or light jacket which she left draped over a dining room chair. Because it says, “Made in the USA” on the label, I think I’ll keep it as a curiosity. (080817)
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17. Are computers more efficient than people? Thank back to Y2K. For years we were told that when the year 2000 came in, a computer failure called Y2K was going to shut down banks and railroads and big companies and bring the country to its knees. But the computers didn’t fail and the year 2000 was ushered in with our country still standing strong and proud. It took the republicans almost 8 years of concentrated effort to do what computers and Y2K was expected to do in a millisecond. (081123)
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18. You know that for many years I have studied the life and times of Hitler. But I just learned that two years after many of Hitler’s top generals knew the war could not be won, they continued to paint rosy “progress” pictures. To admit that the war was a lost cause would mean they’d be replaced or demoted. Can you believe that even though their leader also knew that he couldn’t win the war, he wasted his country’s lives and resources for two more years? Yes, perhaps you can believe that. (081026)
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19. Over the past few months I’ve been seeing a specialist for the coughing problem I’m having with my lungs. Unlike my regular doctor, I don’t know anything about this doctor. I don’t know if he has children, if he is married, where he lives, I know nothing. But when I left his office one day in October, he asked me how I thought the election was going to go. I didn’t say a thing. I kind of shrugged my shoulders and slipped out the door. Because --- well, you think about it. Would you discuss politics with a person you don’t know who has a license to inject substances into your body?
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20. No matter what you do for a living, there are certain questions that you hear over and over so many times that you finally develop a standard answer for it. My cousin Truman Hilt is an antique dealer and when people come into his store and ask, “Hey, do you buy antiques?” he always says, “I have to --- I can’t steal enough to stay in business. My brother-in-law Steve runs a gambling casino in Colorado and when people come in and ask him, “Hey, what’s a good machine?” he always says, “The ATM. You can’t lose.” (080914)
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21. Our celebrity friends on television recently reported that some doctors give patients placebos. Patients might feel better, even though the pill does nothing, because they think that they are receiving treatment for whatever ails them. Doctors know that a positive and cheerful attitude is conducive to healing. Laughter heals. But the question seems to be, “Is it right, or even legal, for doctors to play with the minds of their patients?” Then you change channels and see a huge auditorium, crowded with people, who believe that the man on stage can heal with his hands. (081026)
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22. You might have read in the paper that during a typical deer season in Michigan, about a dozen hunters die with heart attacks. That little furry head sticks itself up out of the brush, and these grown men get so excited that they drop right over. Shock from the unexpected can kill. Think of all the teachers who would probably drop dead, if that certain student ever cleaned out the rat's nest in his desk and handed in a paper that didn't look as if he'd blown his nose on it. Yes, the shock from the unexpected can kill, which is why I don't dare risk coming to supper the first time my wife calls me. (080928)
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23. Scientists have discovered that chewing gum helps you remember. The experts found that of the people tested, 35% who were given gum to chew found it easier to remember words. They hypothesized that it might be because chewing increases the speed of your heartbeat, so more oxygen is pumped round your body. Or it could be because chewing gum helps your body make insulin because it thinks food is coming. Even more plausible is the fact that because many of us can’t walk and chew gum at the same time the chewing keeps our mind from wandering and forces us to focus our attention on whatever it is we are trying to remember. (081026)
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24. I can remember reading a book called 1984 years and years before 1984. 1984 is one of those hit-the-nail-on-the-head books that anyone who even pretends to be educated should read every 5 years or so. If you read 1984 way back in the 50s or 60s you might have also wondered if in 1984 we really were going to be living in a society where the state spied on you and where continual war was the norm. But 1984 came and went and in 1984 there wasn’t continual war and the state wasn’t spying on you. That was because George Bush was not yet in office.
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25. Americans think differently than Europeans do. When I was a boy --- back around 1939-1940 --- a crazy man started a war which destroyed his own country, and not only did he have to answer for that war --- the people who supported him were also considered culpable. They had to stand in shame before a world court for giving their leader the votes or legislation or support that enabled him to bring their homes and economy down around their ears. But here in the United States we don’t see things that way. Here, many of a discredited leader’s most ardent supporters are returned to state legislatures and Congress. (081102)
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26. Radio friend John Doucette over in Nova Scotia sends us this news item about a mechanical gorilla that was stolen from outside a store in Machias, Maine. The mechanical gorilla turned up in a cornfield in Swanton, Vt. According to this news article, Ken Booth, who made the thing, helped them find it by posting a YouTube video offering a reward for the gorilla’s return. Then --- another video turned up on YouTube, showing a hooded person demanding a $1 million ransom. You know, I probably wouldn’t believe a story like this, had I not just finished watching the Republican National Convention. (080914)
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27. When I was five or six years old, way back before the Indians cornered the gambling market in Maine, most anybody could set up a slot machine. Alvah Harris had a slot machine in his garage in Tenants Harbor. One day my grandfather Skoglund gave me a nickel to put in that slot machine and I got back thirty-five cents. That was back around 1941 and to the best of my knowledge, since that day I have never put money in a slot machine. When I mentioned this to my brother-in-law Steve who runs a gambling casino in Colorado, he wanted to put my picture in his front window with a sign underneath that said, “This man has a lifetime profit of 700 percent from playing slot machines.” (080914)
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28. My friend Doreen tells me that once upon a time there was a religious commune. It was a friendly commune and everyone got along very well. But one day tragedy struck. A young man fell and hit his head so hard that he didn’t wake up that day. Nor did he wake up the following day. The members of the commune prayed for the young man and every day two or three people stood by his bed singing hymns --- all day long. Then, one day, after 16 weeks, a miracle. The young man opened his eyes and he looked at the people standing by his bed --- and he raised his hand and they could see that he was going to speak. And he said, “Please turn off the music.” (080914)
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29. My wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, left off scrubbing and polishing for two days and went down to Connecticut last weekend for her 40th high school reunion. I took advantage of her absence to put two supers full of honey on the dining room table and to set up the honey extractor in the kitchen. When you extract honey, you cut the wax cap off the little honey cells. If the caps are too shallow in the frame to be cut off, you have to scratch them off with a tiny steel rake. And no matter how carefully you cut off or scratch off the caps, you do some damage to the cells. Fortunately, I knew that when I put those frames back in the hives, the neurotic-compulsive bees wouldn’t rest until they’d cleaned up my mess and made everything as good as new. Which is why I also didn’t worry too much about the mess I made in the kitchen. (081005)
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30. A man I respect recently called my attention to the inevitability of plastic cars. I might mention that this man is in the business of improving plastic computer chips, so his thinking is even a bit beyond that which the layman might consider to be the cutting edge of science and technology. This scientist told me that cars made out of plastic would be as strong as steel. Plastic would not rust out. Plastic, being lighter than steel, would require less energy to move from place to place. If you Google plastic cars you will read that this lightweight car could be powered by electricity or solar energy. Oil is a finite resource. Every last drop of it will have been pumped from the earth in 40 or so years, and there will soon be a day of reckoning when the electric powered plastic car will be the only vehicle on the road. Can you guess why our American corporate giants are putting off this inevitable transition?
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31. Please listen closely because I’m about to say something that might make your life easier. You know that I could never afford to have children. But when I married the widow Marsha VanZandbergen she had two daughters. And now my wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, has three grandchildren. The oldest one was six this week, and although they live in Fort Kent way up by the Canadian border, they drove five hours to get here because the child wanted to celebrate her birthday here with us. I was out in the barn working on my hot water solar collectors during the party, but looked up often enough to notice that the dooryard was full of cars. You know how gobs of cake and partially masticated cookies get ground into the floor at these things, so you can believe that I rushed right in to vacuum up the mess as soon as they were gone. And here is the tip that could save you a lot of bother: At this party --- not one crumb on the floor. Someone had brought a dog. (081102)
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32. If you're on the Internet, you know about junk email. Someone is always mailing you a scheme that will make you rich in two weeks. Another common piece of junk mail asks if you are interested in his or her background. They claim to be able to find your old friends, lost loved ones, dead beat parents, or your debtor's assets. They claim to be able to find safe deposit boxes, social security death records, non-published numbers and driver's license records. They will search vehicle records and pre-trial comprehensive reports. They will verify education, employment and professional licenses. One of the most curious things about this service, is that although they claim to be able to find out anything you want to know about anyone else, they also claim to be able to change your records so that people can only find out good things about you. (080803)
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33. Who do you think cries out for new schools? Can you honestly think that there are a few concerned citizens who have nothing to do except think about what we as a society can do to give our children a better education? If you do think about it, you know that any move to consolidate schools is driven by big money. There is money in constructing buildings. Which, by the way, is why you’ll see big construction money also buying ads on television to bring in casinos. They don’t care if the casino destroys your town and impoverishes your immediate area. They just want to build the thing. Anyway, wouldn’t you think that the officials in the state legislatures who are on the education committees would be people with actual experience in the classroom? Would it surprise to you discover that the people who purport to be serving the educational needs of our children are actually looking out for the business community? Money rules. (081019)
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34. In September I took 8 quarts of honey from my bees. Yes. I stole from my workers. First time in my life I ever felt like a republican. (081005)
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35. My wife Marsha has 47 first cousins and one of them was here last week. She said they had an exchange student in their home for two weeks. Of course, they asked for one who didn't smoke. He was a French kid from Zieer and they picked him because his picture looked so sweet, and they figured he'd be less worldly than a French kid from France. But when he arrived he showed them some nude pictures of himself and told them that his father and grandfather had taken him to a brothel to get him drunk on his sixteenth birthday. Of course, you go down way east on the coast of Maine and that kind of party wouldn't be necessary. But then they found a heap of cigarette butts underneath this kid's bedroom window. I'll bet he'll think twice before he lies on his application again, because they really punished him. They made him drive a car in Boston. (080727)
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36. You have read 1984 and you are familiar with the concept of “doublethink.” Doublethink is the ability to hold two completely contradictory beliefs in your mind simultaneously, and accept both of them. An example of doublethink is the political ads that one sees on television before an election. Senators, who have always voted with corporate America and against the people they are supposed to represent --- Senators who have been no more than a rubber stamp for the President’s illegal war and tax breaks for the super rich, run warm, fuzzy ads on television. Although uneducated poor people without health insurance and no way to pay their heating bills this winter know that their Senator has voted against them for years, enough exposure to these warm, fuzzy ads just before the election convinced many that their Senator is also working for them. The television ads you see before an election could easily have come out of the Ministry of Love where people learn to believe that two plus two are five. (081026)
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37. Funerals have changed. Back in the good old days when a man died, his friends sat around drinking for a few days before ravishing his favorite slave girl, and setting him off to sea in a burning boat. When I was young, funerals were solemn affairs. You sat up straight in a black suit and black tie and black shoes and black socks and you didn’t dare breathe. But now those in attendance are asked to come forward and “share.” I don’t know about you, but this “share” business grates on my sensibilities. You aren’t asked to stand up and say something. You are asked to “share.” It is my belief that this kind of wimpy language is moving in from California and you can correct me if you think otherwise. Of course, I’m old and old people are always uncomfortable when they are asked to give up their old ways. Nowadays at funerals we see children and grandchildren who stand in front of the assembly and cry as they read a carefully prepared piece. I suppose it is even worse for people who can hear what it is they’re saying. (081102)
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38. It is not uncommon to go out in the woods in the town of St. George, Maine and see a little wooden platform twenty feet up in a tree. I think they call this a tree stand. My friends who are hunters climb up the tree and sit or stand on this tiny wooden platform, sometimes for hours, until an animal comes close enough for them to shoot it. By that time, the hunter is so stiff from just sitting that he can barely climb down the tree. This is why there is hardly a hunter alive who has used one of these tree stands who has not fallen off the thing and dropped kerplunk on the ground. Perhaps you have chanced upon those Wipeout television programs where people crash snowmobiles and skateboards and water skis. But if you have never seen a hunter fall out of a tree stand you realize that Maine’s number one sport has been denied valuable promotional coverage. Are not producers of Wipeout shows remiss in not adding footage of falling Maine hunters to prime time television? (081123)
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39. You probably heard that some militants over there on the other side of the pond captured some Humvees. Big mistake. A week later they had to capture an oil tanker. (081123)
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40. Uncle Jack lives on a piece of sand called Nags Head. Uncle Jack says that a recreational diversion at Nags Head is watching the sand around the brand new house next to yours wash away. Of course the water washes away the brand new house, too, and when the sun comes out after the storm there is nothing blocking your panoramic view of the sea. If you are truly innocent, you might ask why people are permitted to build houses on sand that is certain to be washed away. If you have been around as long as Uncle Jack and The humble Farmer, you know that the realtors and developers sit on all of the zoning and planning boards so they can do anything they want. Why should a realtor care if a new house with five bathrooms washes away after they have sold it? It’s all about quick and easy money. Uncle Jack says that a big construction company with connections wheedled eight million out of an agency called FEMA to put up a protective sand berm 30 feet wide and 12 feet high. One end of it washed out before they had finished the other end. It’s all about money.
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41. There are those of us who trust in science and there are people who don’t. Even back before there was such a thing as science, people wanted answers. And because human nature doesn’t change, ten thousand years ago, people asked themselves the same questions that we ask today. You can well believe that one of the first questions that came to a philosopher’s mind was, why am I here? How did life start on earth? Because people needed answers to these questions, they invented Zeus and Ra and anyone who might have had a different slant on things was hung up by the thumbs. Of course, Zeus and Ra now have more adherents than ever and probably never will be superseded by science. Another question that delves even deeper into the innermost recesses of the human psyche has been asked by your rude mechanicals since the dawn of civilization. If you have ever stood by a bench in any kind of repair shop or office you’ve wondered how it happens, too. No matter how many tables or flat working surfaces you bring into your work area, they immediately get covered with clutter.
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42. You’ve heard me say that I read the Encyclopedia Britannica every day. There must be 30 or so volumes on the shelf by the bathroom door and I just pull out one at random, open it at random, and read for ten minutes at random. The name Karl Follen recently turned up. His activity for civic freedom in Germany kept him from teaching at German universities so in 1824 he came to the United States where he became Harvard’s first professor of German language and literature. While at Harvard Professor Follen was instrumental in establishing the first US college gymnasium. But, in 1835 his appointment as a professor at Harvard was not renewed, probably because he spoke out against slavery. You can understand this because you know what happened to me when I spoke out against fascism. It took a few more years and a Civil War before we were ready to give up slavery. Our 2008 presidential election will probably be considered a turning point as critical as the Civil War: --- it certainly indicated that the people in this country were getting tired of fascism. (080914)
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43. Little public service message here. You have heard me say that I’m putting in solar collectors and a solar hot water heater. Now, Aaron, my son–in-law, says I should put in a windmill that generates electricity, because it is cheaper and more efficient than the solar collectors. So I’m now investigating the cost of installing a windmill to generate electricity on my farm. But, and this is the important part --- Aaron also went on line and brought up a web page that told how much electricity each refrigerator takes. Aaron said that it was silly to generate all kinds of electricity from the wind and the sun when I could cut down on the amount of electricity I need by buying a better refrigerator and other more efficient appliances. I didn’t know that one brand of refrigerator might use ten times as much electricity as another model. Go on line, find out which refrigerator uses the least electricity, crunch the numbers, and you might find that a new refrigerator would pay for itself in two or three years just by the amount of electricity you save. I can tell you about this now without shame because times have changed and we live in a new era. If I’d told you about this thirty years ago, you’d accused me of being a hippie. (081102)
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44. This morning I Googled “how to adjust the pressure switch on a water pump.” We have a new water pump and for several days I’ve heard increasingly louder complaints from management that there is not enough water pressure. I know that there are two little nuts on the water pump switch. In years gone by I’ve twisted both of them at random until the pressure was where I wanted it. But times have changed. Nowadays I can find out anything I want to know about anything or anybody --- in a matter of seconds --- right at my desk. I Googled, “how to adjust the pressure switch on a water pump” and two minutes later trotted down cellar, fully informed, and tightened up the big nut. Yes, times have changed since I walked to our one room school. Imagine walking to that friendly neighborhood school today and sitting down before a computer screen with the world at your fingertips. A few parents have already figured out that there is no longer any need to bus children out of town to an expensive consolidated school where they can sit down at a computer screen. Every day more and more parents realize that a computer screen can be set up anywhere, and before long you will once again see children walking to a small local school.
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45. You have heard of compartmentalized thinking and that is my topic now. When I got out of college I bought a completely furnished house with a garage on an acre of land for $5,000. A year or two later I bought another house with an attached barn on an acre of land for $3500. Back in those days a Maine schoolteacher could buy a house with one year’s salary. Today a Maine schoolteacher would have to work around five years to buy those very same houses, which are now 40 years older and should have depreciated. I can’t tell you how it happened, but the salaries of working people in the United States have been seriously eroded. You might have heard old people wonder aloud how a young couple could even think about buying a house nowadays. But then --- you turn on your television and see that there is a crisis in America: the value of houses has dropped umpty ump percent. In other words, if the value of houses continues to drop, they might get back down to where they relatively were 40 years ago and teachers right out of college might once again be able to buy a house with their first year’s salary. You tell me --- is this good, or is it bad?
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46. Post office employees are about the only people who know how to talk on the telephone. When you call the post office, someone will pick up the phone and tell you who they are. When I answer the phone I also identify myself. I say, “Robert Skoglund, sorry to keep you waiting.” Then, instead of telling me who they are and what they want so we can have a conversation, the mysterious caller on the other end will say something like, “Hello Robert. Is that you?” That brings us back to the beginning, so I’ll repeat what I said, “Robert Skoglund, sorry to keep you waiting.” I’m polite about it. I don’t say, “You called Robert Skoglund. I answered and told you that I am Robert Skoglund. What is it about this conversation that you don’t understand? Now -- I’m trying to be calm while I’m telling you about this although it annoys me terribly --- and you’re in impartial observer, so let me ask you. They are calling Robert Skoglund. I have already mentioned my name twice, but they’ll ask again, “Hello, hello. Robert, is that you?” Are people idiots? Why this, “hello, hello. Is that you Robert?” I want to cry, but I control myself and never reply with “No, I’m Spiderman. Who do you think answers the telephone in my house?” Why can’t people simply tell me who they are and what they want so we can get down to business? I’m Robert Skoglund in Tenants Harbor, Maine, sorry to keep you waiting.
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47. I had never heard of patchouli soap until last September when someone up in Unity told me about it. I might change that to say that although I might have smelled patchouli soap many times, as far as I know I have never heard of patchouli soap until a radio friend named Robert told me that a bar of patchouli soap got him stopped by customs at the border. When he rolled down the car window and the officer got one whiff of what was inside, he ordered Robert to pull aside. The customs officer said he knew Robert had marijuana in the car so he might just as well tell them where it was. Robert denied it so they pulled everything out of his car and combed through everything until Robert remembered that he had a bar of patchouli soap in the glove compartment. I don’t recall why he had it or what he was going to do with it, but if you Google patchouli soap you will learn that marijuana smokers keep it around because it masks the smell of marijuana. Here’s what turned up on line when I Googled patchouli soap: “An oil worn as perfume by dirty hippies in lieu of showering or bathing in any way. Used to mask the scent of marijuana and week old body odor, but usually it merely mixes with the scent to form a new, BO/Patchouli combo that can repulse even those who are olfactorally challenged.” So --- the next time you smell it, at least you’ll know what it is. (080921)
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48. Have you ever met an old neighbor in a store or on the street who extended a withered hand and said, “My word. I thought you were dead.” If it hasn’t happened to you yet someday it will so please listen closely. Every day I record a bit of innocuous social commentary and email it to Public Radio Exchange. PRX, as it is called, might be described as a huge warehouse filled with bits and pieces of radio programs. Young wanna-be producers as well as grizzled used to be producers write and record pieces we hope intelligent people will find interesting and deposit them electronically in this warehouse called PRX. We hope that an enlightened Public Radio program manager might someday actually listen to one of our pieces and deem it worthy of broadcast. Well, there is a new PRX and I was updating my profile on the appropriate PRX web page. While posting my work experience, which was with the Treasury Department between the years of 1955 and 1957, I clicked on the little year box that you are so familiar with and saw that it only went back to 1968. Yes. If you were working in 1955, the kids who are now creating web pages have no idea that you’re still alive. Better get used to it. (081207)
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49. Whom do you hate today? When I was a kid, a grandmother who lived not too far from me was upset when her grandson married a Finn. When we went to war against the Japs and Germans, things changed and we didn’t worry if grandchildren married Swedes or Finns. You might even be old enough to remember when the fear and hatred we had of the Japs and Germans was shifted over onto the Communists. I was already out of high school when just saying that someone was a communist was enough to put them out of business. Then we started doing business with the communists and we couldn’t get enough good things from these people who magically became our friends --- just as the Japs and Germans had done when I was a kid. You should know that I was too young to shoot Chinese communists in Korea and too old when we found an excuse to shoot them in Viet Nam, which, by the way, did fulfill its intended purpose of making a few people very rich. You might have recently been getting redneck email urging you to hate Muslims. If you’ve lived long enough and have a good memory, you realize that it isn’t really important whom you hate and fear as long as you hate and fear someone. Hate and fear are good for big business. And --- if you’re old enough, or if you have read any history, you know that you can pretty well tell who is running things in any given country by what you are allowed to say about whom. During the Bush administration it was difficult for some Americans to find work if they had recently spoken out against fascism. (081005)
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50. In the fall of 2008 a friend of mine who is an employee of the US Forest Service, had to sign a “loyalty pledge” to defend the Constitution from all enemies foreign and domestic. He says that only the Secret Service keeps him from doing what he has sworn to do. (080817)
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51. Back in the 1920s and 1930s you’d hear people say, “He’s coo coo.” Coo coo is an old term that meant that people or things were about as crazy as they could get. Coo coo came to mind today when I heard someone on television mention the war on terror. The war on terror. We are being told that we are waging a war on terror but you really have to be capable of some mental gymnastics to believe that we are waging a War On Terror. See if you can hang here with me as I walk you through it. A while back, some fanatics from Saudi Arabia crashed an airplane in New York City. Immediately, people all over the world who might not have even liked the United States for one reason or another, felt bad for the United States, because these crazy men from Saudi Arabia had killed a lot of innocent people in New York City. But --- soon afterwards, ostensibly to get revenge on this handful of crazy men from Saudi Arabia, the United States attacked a country called Iraq and all that good will we had earned by being the injured party was wiped away. But, before we could attack Iraq, our propaganda machine had to turn things around. We couldn’t call the men who crashed the plane Saudis because we were attacking Iraq. So we had to call them terrorists instead and just hope that Americans who couldn’t read wouldn’t notice the difference. And when you think about it, all those guys over there have brown faces and wear funny looking hats, so one is probably just as bad as another. So it really doesn’t matter if you are blowing up people in Iraq or Afghanistan or Pakistan or India because you are fighting people you call terrorists. The bad news for poor working people is that although there might have only been a handful of these crazy terrorists back on 9-11, every time an American bomb accidentally killed someone, every one of the dead person’s brothers and children and cousins and friends all of a sudden had a very good reason to hate Americans. So every day the American war machine ensures that we will have a never ending war by creating more people that can be called terrorists. This is a great improvement over the old days when we could declare war on Japan or Germany, because back then when the Japs and Germans were pounded into the ground the war stopped. But our military industrial war machine has smartened up a lot over the past 60 years so now they don’t go after Saudis or Germans --- they go after terrorists because a war against terror is a self-sustaining war that can go on forever against an endless and faceless enemy. And because a few very rich people are getting richer by running so-called security and war related industries, you might suspect that it is going to be very difficult to stop this thing they call the war on terror because a war on terror knows no national boundaries. Our American war machine can stagger about like a blind 800 pound gorilla and wipe out people anywhere. What got me started on this so-called War On Terror, anyway? Oh yeah, we were talking about that old term coo coo. Coo coo means that things are just about as crazy as they can get. (080914)

Thursday, February 5, 2009

he guessed fraud in five minutes and proved it with math in four hours

Analyst who raised alarm about Madoff nine years ago lambasts authoritiesDaniel Nasaw in Washington, guardian.co.ukWednesday 4 February 2009 18.25 GMT

Article history

The financial analyst who nine years ago discovered Bernard Madoff's multi-billion dollar alleged fraud scheme today lambasted US securities officials who ignored his warnings, calling for a shakeup of the US securities and exchange commission's structure.Harry Markopolos, a Massachusetts financial analyst who since 2000 several times sought to alert the SEC to Madoff's fraud, told a House of Representatives committee that the agency should replace its lawyer-heavy enforcement staff with senior securities professionals who have years of industry experience and can understand cutting-edge financial instruments used by hedge fund traders.He said regulators should give fraud investigators a pay incentive to unearth large fraud, and eliminate the turf wars that he said kept New York-based regulators from heeding tips he fed to the Boston office.Markopolos discovered Madoff's alleged malfeasance in May 2000, after he became suspicious of his years-long record of success in all market conditions. Markopolos said it took him about five minutes perusing Madoff's marketing materials to suspect fraud, and another roughly four hours to develop mathematical models to prove it. He eventually delivered a detailed case to securities regulators in Boston and followed up several times over the next eight years as he continued to gather evidence. He said that important SEC officials in New York and Boston brushed his reports aside.In testimony before members of the House financial services committee, Markopolos described "an abject failure by the regulatory agencies we entrust as our watchdog".He estimated the size of Madoff's fraud was about $7bn (£4.4bn) in 2000 when he first alerted the SEC. Markopolos said today that figure reflected the aggregate amount on customers' financial statements, but that Madoff actually took in between $15bn and $25bn in clients' cash.Asked to suggest remedies, Markopolos said the SEC's enforcement staff was too reliant on lawyers and people who lacked industry experience."They really don't comprehend the frauds of the 21st century," Markopolos said.He said that one competent SEC regulator in Boston described relations between the Boston field office and New York field office, which had jurisdiction over ­Madoff's New York-based operation as "about as warm and friendly as the ­Yankees-Red Sox rivalry". Markopolos was told the New York office did not want tips from Boston."My team and I kept collecting additional information, and I kept sending it to the SEC, and they kept ignoring it," he said.He said that the SEC was afraid of bringing big cases, and that only Massachusetts state regulators and the New York attorney general's offices were willing to prosecute financial fraud."I gifted and wrapped and delivered the largest Ponzi scheme in history to them but somehow they could not be bothered," he said. "If a $50bn Ponzi scheme doesn't top their list of priorities, I want to know who sets their priorities."

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We have hopes that the present administration will not tolerate this kind of foolishness.Neighbor humble

Sunday, February 1, 2009

The humble Farmer Rants for February 1, 2009 Radio Show

February 1, 2009 Rants

1. When many men hear talk about a six pack of firm abs, they reach down and lovingly pat one firm ab caused by too many six packs. Although we don’t want take sides, you might know that anyone who has raised children or chickens will tell you that one of anything is easier to manage.
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2. There is a thing coming up called Superbowl. It has to do with a football game. You might have also learned about the Superbowl on the evening news. We are told that for their own protection attendees will be patted down by security before going into the stadium. We are told that they will also be protected by policemen in helicopters in the sky and policemen in boats and policemen on foot and horseback. You might have read more than a little about what was done to protect German citizens between the years of 1933 and 1945, so you will probably not be surprised when someday soon, for your own protection, you are stopped on the street and asked if your papers are in order.
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3. I’ve seen a rubber band, I’ve seen a peanut stand, I’ve seen a needle wink its eye…. For a week now we’ve heard that all the salmonella came from one peanut plant in Georgia. Last night, while actually paying attention to the news, it suddenly dawned on me that the salmonella came from one building in which peanuts were processed and not one peanut plant. It took me several days get that one. When I told my 94-year-old friend, Doris who was raised on a farm, that I hadn’t understood “plant” in this context, she said she also though it was one peanut plant. I blame the scriptwriter who was apparently availing the advantages of articulating alliteration. I’m Rapid Robert and I reside on a rhubarb ranch.
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4. You might recall my saying last week that Doris, who is 94, told me that she was so happy when her father put electricity in the house because it meant she no longer had to wash the lamp chimneys. Radio friend John in Falmouth writes that the story reminded him of his grandmother, Leslie Foote Barrows, who was one of the first pioneers in the Judith Basin in Montana. When interviewed by a newspaper in San Diego back around 1928, she mentioned their first make and break gasoline powered water pump. When asked if the noise bothered her, she said, "Only when it stopped.”
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5. An email that arrived today reminds me that I am fortunate to have many friends with diverse backgrounds. This gives me a social advantage over people who, day in and day out, only see folks with graduate degrees from prestigious universities. How many of them, do you suppose, ever get an email from a friend who gives thanks that black folks were evacuated from Africa in slave ships so they could be introduced to Christian salvation?
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6. Addiction is a terrible thing. I have had no coffee for a week and I know this. Anyone who has to look at their email before their eyes are even open in the morning also knows this. Even more insidious is Facebook, which I ignored until it completely overpowered me. Being an educator, this morning I posted a synopsis of An Enemy of The People on my Facebook page --- just in case a couple of my friends were unfamiliar with it. Reading things like An Enemy of the People is part of one’s education. Even if it doesn’t change the way one votes, it might activate some unused thought process that will enable one to finally understand the power of dirty money. And even better than the opportunity to pass along interesting things to one’s friends, are the interesting messages that appear on Facebook from one’s friends. Wilder Oakes very astutely compares it with getting messages from a trance medium or an Ouija board.
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7. I have lived in Europe. If you have lived outside of the United States, you know that in many parts of the world Americans are seen as people who always have something bigger and better. Even yesterday, I reinforced this unfortunate stereotype of the Ugly American. My friend Boon, who lives on the outskirts of Groningen, sent me his picture. In his arms was his day-old grandchild. I replied, “That’s only one --- here in America we have 8 at a time.”
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9. This morning, when I came out of the bathroom, my wife Marsha said, “You were in there talking about what you were going to do today. I think you’re going crazy.” This was a surprise to me. I didn’t realize that I talked out loud to myself. But, as the day went on, I realized that when I was alone I talked out loud to myself all the time. Listening to myself for the first time, I was also somewhat shocked to hear myself employing lexical items that I never use with anyone but must have acquired 20 or 30 years ago while listening to the Nixon tapes. So --- because I don’t want people to think I’m crazy, I’m going to have to get a dog. People who talk to animals are considered normal.
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10. Because I stand on stages and tell stories to audiences, I make an effort to watch people on television who are doing the same thing --- you know --- just to make sure I’m in tune with the present generation. I see the people in these television audiences laugh, even though the entertainer on the stage is not saying anything funny. They are simply telling dirty stories that are neither funny nor clever. I don’t know why people laugh, I don’t know how these so-called comedians can sell out huge houses, but I recently learned why this kind of programming warrants time on television. My brother told me he saw a television program called, “They Made Us Laugh.” They showed television programs made in the 1950s that featured Sid Caesar and others who were doing and saying some very funny things. The narrator explained that in the 1950s, television was expensive. Only the most intelligent people had money enough to buy one. Then, when the price dropped and everyone had a TV, they had to lower the programming standards. You’ve hear the term that describes this, but I’m going to repeat again. It is called the Dumbing Down of America.
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11. If you visit enough stores in Camden, you'll see a book named, "Why Gay Guys are a Girl's Best Friend." How could you argue with that? Anybody who thinks about it at all knows that gay guys are everybody's best friend. Ever see one run up your taxes by sending 8 kids to your school's remedial reading program? Ever have one break your heart by marrying your high school sweetheart or running off with your wife? Seeing that book brought to mind a poem I wrote years ago that summarizes the situation: "Oh what a great world this would be, if all the guys were gay --- but me."
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12. Friends who know that I am interested in solar power send me articles and I pass along the best ones to you. Ever hear of a solar powered refrigerator? It's a simple yet brilliant invention. Not only is the fridge solar powered, it can also be built from household materials - making it ideal for Third World countries or Maine. Emily Cummins, who is only 21, came up with the idea while working on a school project in her grandfather's potting shed and the fridge is already improving the lives of thousands of poverty-stricken Africans. After her first year at college, she spent five months in Africa, perfecting and demonstrating her product. In Namibia she became known as 'The Fridge Lady'. Miss Cummins returned to the UK to enter a business management course at Leeds University. She had been refused a place on an engineering course because, to her dismay, she didn't have the correct qualifications. And I laugh out loud every time I read that. Here’s a girl who comes up with a fantastic invention and she lacks the correct qualifications to take an engineering course. Makes you wonder if Mozart could get into music school today. Last year Emily Cummins met the Queen at Buckingham Palace after being invited to a prestigious women in business event. Emily Cummins invented a solar fridge and lacked the qualifications to take an engineering course. Check her out on Google.
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13. Oh, one thing I wondered about for years was -- who would do the dirty manual labor if every person in America earned two MA degrees or a PhD? I just realized that I live with the answer. Marsha has a 4.0 on her MA degree. She loves to scrape paint, scrub floors and wash windows. After spending two days with two radio friends who were B&B guests at our home, I told the Misses that I was surprised that her husband, a brilliant, well-read man, was a rural mailman. She said he had a PhD and gave up teaching at a university to deliver mail. And then there was the brilliant young man on one of the islands who was sent to Harvard by a wealthy neighbor. He came back to the island where my brother saw him happily cutting bushes by the small airport runway. It is only this very minute as I write this, that I realize that after four years of graduate school I, too, came home and mowed fields and bushes on a big tractor for my neighbors. So I suppose it is what you think about when you vote or are working that determines the quality of your life. Although my body was on my tractor, my mind was writing personal ads to be published in the Maine Times. "Ornithologist seeks attractive young woman, willing to sacrifice everything for a few cheep thrills."
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14. I like the looks of the girl in the ad before she lost 25 pounds of fat in one month.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Is China spending 100 billion on railroads this year? Guess where they got the money.

We hear that the economy is in bad shape. And although I don’t have any answers, I might have the same questions as you do. You might remember that Mr. Nixon did better in the polls than Santa Claus when he opened the doors to China and by so doing put us where we are today.

Which is broke.

Three generations ago, the dollar bill you gave to the milkman would pass from hand to hand five or six times before it ever left your village. And then it would circulate a while longer in your county and then move elsewhere in your state. Spend that dollar nowadays in a big box store and within a week it is in China by way of Arkansas. Not one of your neighbors gets to see it.

Thirty five years ago nobody thought to ask what would happen if you and all your neighbors bought everything you could from China at low, low Wal*Mart prices: toys, wood, clothes, dishes, instruments, and now even food.

Yes. If everything we buy in every store in America is made in China does it take an economic genius to figure out what is going to happen to the companies in the USA that made the things we used to buy from them?

Right. They go out of business. And when they go out of business, American workers lose their jobs. Of course, this is no concern of mine or yours because American workers losing their jobs is an abstraction --- we don’t know who these people are, and their wages were probably too high, anyway. But being able to buy things made in China at low, low prices is, for you and me, a concrete and necessary reality.

So China is now the proverbial Company Store. For all practical purposes, China owns most of The United States. And because every day that goes by they get almost every cent that we spend, day by day they own more and more of the United States. To survive, very soon almost every rural family will have to do what their ancestors and put up preserves from a big garden. They will keep a cow, chickens and a few pigs.

How do we avoid this huge, sucking economic black hole? By buying only those products made in the USA so Americans can go back to work? Probably not, because we look for those low, low prices offered only by the Chinese. And there is a good chance that there are no longer on our shelves any products made in the US of A.

So, now we are told that the US economy is in bad shape. The past administration whipped up an unnecessary war that has cost you a trillion or so. And while the war commanded your attention, every business was deregulated or privatized so billions more could be funneled down that rat hole.

But a brighter day is coming, because is not Mr. Obama going to jumpstart a ruined economy with a trillion or so dollars? You’d better hope he gives it all to the bankers, because if you and I get our hands on it, within a week every penny of it will be in China.

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Seeing this rant from my January 11, 2009 radio show, one of my radio friends sent me something similar:



"This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format: Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. Q. Where will the government get this money? A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? A. Only a smidgen. Q. What is the purpose of this payment? A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? A. Shut up. Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely: If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China. If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs. If you purchase a computer it will go to India. If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic). If you buy a car it will go to Japan. If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan. And none of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

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You are invited to stop by for supper anytime.
Robert Karl Skoglund260 Hamlin Drive
Fort Myers, FL 33905
207-226-7442
humble@humblefarmer.com

Hear humble's radio show on his web page

http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/ThisWeek.html

See and hear humble tell stories on his web page:
http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/

Hear dozens of humble's rants and even his radio show on PRX:

http://www.prx.org/Enjoy humble's music/humor program on Maine cable television stations:http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/TvTowns.htmlDid you know that Robert Skoglund, The humble Farmer, stands on stages and tells funny stories?Ask humble to entertain you and your friends with dry stories like these:http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/PortlandA.htmlYou can visit humble and Marsha at their Bed & Breakfast on the coast of Maine.http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/BaB.html

Sunday, January 25, 2009

The humble Farmer Rants for January 25, 2009 Radio Show

Rants January 25, 2009
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1. My friend Sal is exactly like so many of my other friends: he can do things that I, and perhaps you, can’t do. He is a specialist in his field. Sal spends summers down the road a bit from me in Port Clyde, Maine and winters down the road a little bit from me on the Florida Keys. Oh, the one thing that you and Sal have in common is the stories you tell me, and this is one of them. Every January there is an antique car and tractor fair in Fort Meade, Florida. It is such a large fair that one rents a golf cart at the gate for $65 just to get around. One year Sal arrived at the fair too late to rent a golf cart. Alas! Every last one was gone. But when he walked onto the grounds he saw a small tractor for sale. Sal said, “I bought it for $400 and rode around on it all day.” I said, “But what did you do with it after the fair?” Sal said, “I sold it for $2600.”
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2. It doesn’t take much to make me laugh --- even if I haven’t had a cup of coffee. This morning I laughed when I deleted some of the emails in my junk email box. One said, “Looking for a Fling?” What is a fling nowadays? If I had been pressed to define a fling, I would have said that a fling is running off to some near-by town for two or three days. But not until today did I ever wonder if yesterday’s fling is called a flang or a flung. I just Googled “Looking for a Fling” for a current definition. According to Google, the affliction known as “Lonely Wives Looking for a Fling” is now pandemic.
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3. For years I’ve enjoyed collecting and sending along to you the silly things I encounter throughout the day. This one is an email from a Maine couple in which someone mentions that they’d like to hear from their Maine friends. It says, “I am forwarding this message from Ron and Lorina … as they wish to be remember to everyone. Joleen ----- Original Message ----- Subject: Hello Hope everyone made it back safe and sound. We were wondering how Marge is fairing? Please give her our address & email. Really would like to hear from our Maine friends. Simone & Ron …“ The wonderful thing about a letter like this is that it justifies the institution immortalized in Melville’s story about Bartleby --- the dead letter office.
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4. For a year I have toyed with the idea of making a television program that consists of nothing except an old man who sits in a chair and simply talks while tossing a baseball from hand to hand. Until this morning, I wondered who would watch such a show. I wish I’d asked you, because that person lives with you so you knew a long time ago. For hour upon endless hour, that person sits like a rag doll and watches men run with a ball under their arms, or men hit a round thing with a stick. When they are lucky, they watch girls who hop on sand while pounding a ball over a net. Sometimes they watch cars going round and round an oval track and won’t even take a bathroom break for fear they’ll miss the pile up of the century. So --- we have determined that it is not what it is on the screen that builds a faithful television audience --- anything that provides an excuse to sit and drink whatever is in the glass or can is a show capable of climbing off the charts. So, when the day comes that they stumble upon this show, and they will, will you please do me a favor and, as you fill up the dish with heavily salted nuts, suggest that it might be time to order a catheter?
+5. It must be true because I not only heard it on TV, I also read it on the Internet. Drivers who use cell phones in their cars kill 2600 people and injure 330,000 every year --- just in the United States. Cell phones are now right up there with those beloved dogs and cats in a driver’s lap when it comes to causing automobile accidents. You can believe it, because half the people you pass on the turnpike have a cell phone plastered to an ear. Scientists tell us that 20-year-old drivers have the same reaction time as 70-year-old drivers who don’t even know how to use a cell phone. My first car was a 32 Ford coupe convertible with mechanical brakes and because I probably weighed around 100 pounds when I was 15, for all practical purposes I had no brakes. If you don’t know what mechanical brakes are, you should look it up. It took everything you had, and even big, rugged men had trouble stopping a car that had mechanical brakes. Eddie Tyler might tell you that in 1951 I passed him on the right hand side. I was coming up on him too fast down there between Harrington Cove and the Clark Island Road, there was a car coming the other way, and because I couldn’t stop I went out in the dirt and the grass and passed him on the right with dust and rocks all a flying. At the time I’d probably been driving a car for only a few days so it was a valuable lesson --- ever since then I’ve driven as if I have no brakes. I’ve taught driver education so I also have the annoying habit of hanging in there with the speed limit and stopping at stop signs, so my friends all hate to ride with me. When they do, they call me nasty names. And you probably know that in Europe they have Yield signs so I don’t have to stop there if nobody is coming. In America they have stop signs in many, many places that would be better served by a Yield sign. Anyway, can you tell me why the experts talk about reaction time when they should be talking about thinking time? If you don’t tailgate, you don’t need that famous reaction time they talk about where you have to jam on your brakes to keep from ramming that car ahead. And if a deer jumps out of the dark, you don’t need reaction time because they say you hear the bang and never see the deer anyway. When all is said and done, I’m glad I don’t have a cell phone. It’s bad enough to have to drive a car when you’re over 70. I’ve been hit in the rear end at least 6 times just because I stop at stop signs.
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6. I am thinking about having my credit card paid by big brother. I pay off the balance every month but think my payment arrived one day late because of a holiday and my negligence. There is, I think, a $30 or so fee for this. You might have many of your monthly payments automatically deducted from your checking account so this can’t happen. I haven’t done it yet, because I don’t like the idea of someone being able to dip in there and take what they want. You might have seen some months, when there might not have been anything in there to take, when you had to very judiciously juggle things around. Businessmen would not have that problem. They haven’t seen a bill in years because their office staff takes care of things like that. I think they ran electricity down our road around 1923 and I’m old enough to remember hearing that my neighbor Alex went into a rage when CMP sent him a bill. He said that he’d always paid cash for everything, no one had ever sent him a bill in his entire life and he’d have the power shut off if he were going to get bills. You might be old enough to understand that most any change is upsetting.
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7. You will recall I mentioned a while back about seeing a program that promised to tell me how to tell a real Rolex watch from a counterfeit Rolex watch. I was so busy taking notes, so I could tell you about it, that I didn’t see how the program ended. Radio friend Bill Miller sends this: “Dear Humble, Once, while working for U -Haul a few years back, I stumbled upon a Rolex laying in the under-seat portion of a truck. No one claimed it, and I had, a Rolex Presidential watch. This watch had diamonds on the quarter hour and a gold bezel...Im not sure what that would get me in life but wow...I had a Rolex. For years I wore that watch very proudly as a status symbol..showing I was a winner in life..a ROLEX. Some years later I was working as a paramedic on the beach in florida and had to extricate a young man who had imprudently dove into the water wearing speedos ,showing off to women who wanted gucci flannel pajamas, and had broken his neck. As I reached below the backboard in 4 feet of water I felt that watch unclip and fall off my wrist...gone...forever. That was a life lesson I couldnt have paid enough for. I wear a Timex now. Bill” My question to you is the obvious one: Why would anyone wear a watch that came with a cheap strap?
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8. What you can learn when you listen to the radio. Of course it has to be a certain kind of radio and I’ve been getting my radio off a place called PRX on the Internet. This week I learned that Hawaii has about the highest electric bills of any state. Right up there with New York, Vermont and Maine. But on this radio program I heard that the University of Hawaii is going broke trying to run their air conditioners. How about that? Haven’t you always heard that the temperature in Hawaii is perfect? Never hot, never cold. And now we hear they can’t afford to run their air conditioners. I guess this punches a hole in that bit of folklore. Another bit of folklore, which approaches an outright lie, is calling Florida the Sunshine State. And if you have never heard of Ibsen or his play called “An Enemy of the People” I suggest you Google “An Enemy of the People” right now and become familiar with it. --- Because there are days when they shut down highways in Florida, The Sunshine State, because you can’t see the road through the smoke from wildfires. Even worse are the controlled fires caused by burning the cane fields and the burning forests that are being swept away by endless housing developments. On an average day, you might not see that smoke or even be aware of it, but the soot builds up on your car and in your lungs. Some days the air is so bad in parts of The Sunshine State that you can’t get enough air in your lungs to ride a bicycle. You find that your lungs make a little whistling sound when you breathe. People who live in many parts of Florida take this constant smoke and burning eyes for granted and should you mention smoke, they’ll give you a funny look and say, “What smoke?” Don’t expect to see anything about Florida’s rotten air quality on television or in the newspapers. It would be bad for the tourist business. Yes, and please do look up Ibsen’s play, An Enemy of the People.
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9. When I called my wicked step mother she said that one of our neighbors had fallen on the floor and perished. She stayed right there and languished because they didn’t find her for a day or so. She had one of those magic buttons to wear around her neck, I think they call them Lifelines, but she didn’t bother to put hers on that day. So when she dropped, she was helpless. You know, there are days when you can go out in the woods and scramble to the top of a 60 foot spruce tree and I remember those days well. But I told the wicked one that I knew I was at the age where it would be foolish to go out in the woods unless I told someone where I was going. She said that she was at the age where it would be foolish to go out in the woods.
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10. Here’s another junk email that got my attention. If you are a social commentator, you should be grateful for junk email because you will never run out of topics. This one says: “Your wife need your attention? Solve all your problems with IT.” I don’t know why they need to advertise. You and I have friends who no sooner left for work, when IT came in the back door.
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11. (prx 090120) On the morning of the presidential inauguration I looked at the television and saw three million people jostling each other, elbow to elbow in that space between the Washington Monument and the Capitol Steps. I couldn’t help but think what a great day it was in Washington for pickpockets.
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12. Have you ever seen the Eifel Tower in Paris? Have you ever seen The Brandenburg Gate in Germany? This is redundant. Where else would you find the Eifel Tower or The Brandenburg Gate? I was going to say that for over 30 years, I have boasted and bragged that I have never talked down to you. I was going to say that when I mentioned An Enemy of the People or Bartleby, I took it for granted that you were familiar with the works of Ibsen or Melville, so I would never day, “Ibsen’s, An Enemy of the People.” I was going to say that President Obama was talking down to you by pointing out to you and me in his inaugural address that his words, “the time has come to set aside childish things,” came from the scripture. But, much to my surprise, in looking over my notes, I see that I have recently been as guilty as the President of the United States. Is there not a lesson to be learned here? You hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye.” That’s Scripture, Matthew 7, 3.
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You are invited to stop by for supper anytime.

Robert Karl Skoglund
260 Hamlin Drive
Fort Myers, FL 33905

207-226-7442

humble@humblefarmer.com

Hear humble's radio show on his web page

http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/ThisWeek.html

See and hear humble tell stories on his web page:
http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/

Hear dozens of humble's rants and even his radio show on PRX:

http://www.prx.org/Enjoy humble's music/humor program on Maine cable television stations:http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/TvTowns.html

Did you know that Robert Skoglund, The humble Farmer, stands on stages and tells funny stories?Ask humble to entertain you and your friends with dry stories like these:http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/PortlandA.html

You can visit humble and Marsha at their Bed & Breakfast on the coast of Maine.
http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/BaB.html